A Play in Three Acts — Election 2006

Muck-raking is a time-honored political tradition. The muck this year is already up to our necks and there are still three weeks remaining before the election. Most recently, CNBC—with some apparent glee—grabs onto Rep. Kolbe of Arizona in some sadistic attempt ride the coat-tails of the Foley affair (pardon my word choice, read for yourself). It appears that some ten years ago Mr. Kolbe invited two former (at the time) pages on a rafting trip along with other staff and family members. On this openly discussed, non-secret trip, the following is alleged to have occurred:

• Rafting
• Not much else

So we must ask, why is this news?

Well, the answer is that Mr. Kolbe is guilty of being a gay Republican during an election year in which another gay Republican sent communications to Congressional pages with narcissistic indiscretion and childish naiveté—ergo; Mr. Kolbe is a convenient target in a climate where desperate Democrats are grasping for the brass ring. There are two places where it is particularly unsafe to be: One—between Michael Moore and a buffet table; and Two—between unscrupulous liberal minions and the halls of power.

MSNBC suggests a “federal investigation.” To which the natural reply is, “Of what?” Nothing has even been alleged. Evidence? There is none—and, again, of what? But there is, however, much to question in the origins of this seemingly contrived pseudo-controversy. Is this another Foley? Only in the cynical political fantasies of election-year operatives seeking to perpetuate a story with mal intent. I would much rather we investigate the entire Congress for failing to restrict Federal spending—but I digress.

My message for Mr. Kolbe? Find a local dry-cleaner specializing in political muck removal (it is far stickier than normal BS). Shake off these desperate election-year antics and rally to the conservative cause. Rest assured that we will be watching for real wrong-doing and malfeasance (Harry Reid, anyone?). When and if we find it amongst Republicans, we will clean out our own house.

- Huckleberry